Thursday, May 26, 2011

Can dating from halal speed work? -The guardian

An Indian Muslim brideMany Muslim men "to know that at the end of the day, parents can always find a 'back home' woman", according to the sociologist Fauzia Ahmad. Photo: AFP/Sajjad Hussain/Getty Images

The rate of divorce among British Muslims is the increase in accordance with the whole of society. According to some Muslim commentators to eight Muslim marriages now ends in divorce, a person in 20 in the space of two generations, and a growing number of Muslims seek avenues alternatives to meet their future spouses, without compromising their commitment to Islam. They want to meet members of the opposite in an environment of halal sex, and no, I don't mean a date in the local branch of Dixie Fried Chicken.

To the Muslim matrimonial sites, "halal speed-dating" and matrimonial events face to face to find a husband or a wife. Traditionally many second and third generation wife or husband-hunters expected family and their community to present potential life partners, many of the same trip to the country of their parents of origin to display future brides and grooms.

Mizam Raja is Simon Cowell of the British Muslim marital scene. Raja founded social enterprise Islamic circles 10 years in East London. Raja employs two part-time employees and receives 200 average calls per day for men and women who seek his advice on how they can meet a compatible partner. Raja is charismatic, talkative and has an acid tongue is used to devastating effect in his daily work. "I am ruthless with some of them." I have no problem telling a man that has issues of hygiene to go home, a shower and shave and really think about why he wants to marry and what it can offer his wife in marriage. A successful Muslim marriage is on the yin and the yang complementing one another. Marriage in Islam is not on the yin and the yin. »

British Muslims said Raja have failed to embrace the best aspects of modernity when it comes to marriage and thus a growing number of educated Muslim women find themselves part of the "single generation" excelling in their professional and academic life but left out in the cold when they try to find a husband.

Sociologist Fauzia Ahmad, of the Institute for the study of Muslim civilizations (CMI) specializes in the Muslim women and relations in Britain. She says that the families and Muslim parents are realize how difficult it is for the carrying out of their daughters to find suitable husbands and communities more girls are faced with a reaction of the Interior.

"" Contrary to stereotypes, there is a real drive for the qualifications of Muslim women and their families, with one of the motivating factors being the assumption that a degree would help attract a ' good husband "," said Ahmad. "While this may be a test for many Muslim men, women are inconsistent expectations similarly educated men, many of which appear to be intimidated by the confident women and know that at the end of the day, parents can always find a"return"woman." British Muslim women are less likely to want to do the same. ' Instead, the list of criteria that have become more and more short than years women or initial 'list' go. '

Raja also agrees that Muslim women are facing challenges on the front of marriage. "I think that many Muslim men is not at the stage of the plate and take responsibility when it comes to marriage, I also met many women who speak to men as if they speak to a colleague or a client to work," says. ".

In the 10 years Raja organized hundreds of workshop and meetings for the introductions of marriage. Events cater for different Islamic sects, the Shia and Sunni, Muslim with disabilities and special needs - the organization even organizes courses for women on how they can become "surrendered wives". When I ask him if he is real, it is shameless in its response. "If you do not have a stable family, you can't have a stable community", he said. "The events that we organize allow people really working on themselves and think on this marriage is really on.". Many of our sisters neglect the idea of marriage because they are too focused on education and their careers. Many find it difficult to make compromises and difficult to adapt to the role of being a woman on the side of being a career woman. »

Raja insists on the fact that these matrimonial events offer an approach more focused on Islam for marriage that cannot be found by dating speed or matrimonial websites. "Our events are not a place of shopping for a husband or a wife, but to understand what marriage means in Islam," said Raja.

On, one of the most popular matrimonial sites used by Muslims surfing to find a partner, users are encouraged to believe they are just a few clicks not achieve their objective to meet Mr. or Ms. right.

Salma, a single mother divorcee in his late 20s used a matrimonial website for a year but a decide to disable his account and other ways to find a suitable husband. In a year, nearly 400 men communicated with it online from anywhere in the world to discuss marriage.

"I realize very quickly that the men and women were on the Web site with a list of grocery store trying to check the boxes as much as they could in a short time as possible and get married," she said. "Many men lie how much money they have, and most of those that I came across claimed to earn more than £ 60,000 per year, but is unable to write a sentence in English.". It just has not any meaning. »

Salma discovered some men were already married and who seek to find wife number three and four without being upfront about it. "There is no real way of knowing who is genuine and who is not." Even some men contact me telling me I had to be aware of some men on the Web site that have experienced liars. Trying to find a husband in this way, that I felt as I was drawing a straw or try choose a lucky number for a hat - it felt like an illusion. In a traditional arranged marriage a woman or a man have to grow up in the village, safety net knowing the other family for future generations. This is why I decided to take a more organic approach to find a partner and prefers to meet with Muslim men chaperonn├ęs in an Islamic environment, thus leading us to interact face to face. »

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